Ups and Downs. Over and Over. I prefer consistency

September 26th, 2014. Friday. It's 1 am as I type this. I was about to go take a shower, but my suitemate Victor decided to waltz himself in the bathroom before I could.

I feel like I haven't really mentioned much about my suite, so I'll do that first.

My suite is pretty diverse, just like last year. However with my suitemates last year there was a lot of synergy. We all got along really well and they're all my friends even now that we're all living in different dorms and such. But these new guys are different. Within my suite you can categorize each person as either someone who is never in the suite or someone who never leaves the suite. Victor, Mark and my roommate fit the category of those who are never in the suite. John and Andrew are categorized as those who just never leave. Me and one other guy, Travis, aren't really put into a specific category. And as you could imagine, I happen to get along with Travis the most. He's just an average dude, nothing really special about him. He does have this weird quirk where he chuckles every time he says like 6 words, but it's not really that bad. On the other hand we have John, Travis's roommate. John NEVER leaves. Unless he's getting food. Or class. But honestly I've never seen him leave to go to class before. But I guess I contribute that to I'm generally away from the room when most people's classes are over. But besides that he's just in his room. He's there. All. The. Time. It's kind of sad. But anyway, Travis and John seem to get along, but I guess that's because they both like to talk. John however is pretty eccentric. Leaning towards the not good type of eccentric. He just says the weirdest shit sometimes. And he can be pretty creepy when he passes by the room. I'd give examples but I'm pretty tired and can't think of any right now. But yeah he's a weird dude. But nice. Nice and weird, annoyingly weird, but nice. Makes sense, I know. Now for Andrew and Mark. Andrew is like John. He never leaves. I forgot to mention they both play video games pretty extensively. But thing is John just plays this one airplane game. That's it. Andrew I believe plays a lot of different games, which is better. But he also doesn't leave that much. And he's not as talkative as John. With John and Travis, I can strike up a conversation whenever. But Andrew just says hello to me and that's about it. It's worse with Mark. I don't think I've heard him say more than 3 words at a time. And he's never there. He comes back from class, then goes back out again, either to study or play soccer or something. He plays soccer practically every day, contributing to him never being there. Lastly we have Victor. I generally see my suitemates, even the ones that are never there, at least once a day. I can go days without seeing Victor. He's always gone. Worse than Mark. Victor has a lot of friends, it seems like. When he is here he's never alone. There's always someone in his room when he's here. He lives in a single, but I've seen this random dude that has stayed in his room for like 3 weeks. Don't know who he is. He's just there. I was thinking that he was Victor's boyfriend, but I have no definitive proof of that. So yeah. Victor is an anomaly. But he seems cool from the few times that I've spoken to him,

That was way more than I wanted to say about that but oh well. Anyway onto stuff about me.

I did pretty bad on my Analytical Chemistry exam. I was below the average, which is always something that I strive to beat. I'm waiting for two more exam grades, so I'm hoping that those will help. I did good on my lab report. B+. I'll take that considering it was the very first lab report, and there's room for improvement.

I don't understand Ex 2 and my roommate. They fight. They become friends again. Then they fight. It's this constant battle. Then Ex 2 talks to me, with very obvious sadness. And I try to give her advice. But I'm not a therapist. I'm not doing anything psychology related. I just try my best to help, but I'm not the best person to go to. I wish I could do more.

I had an annoying thought. I think about all the time I spent last year with Lauren. I spent so many hours talking and skyping her over the weekend. Or coming home to see her. Or her coming to Chapel Hill. I realized that all that time could have been spent on hanging out with my friends, or hell even make some new ones. I wasted a huge chunk of my first year on her. Only for her to abandon me. She gets to experience a true first year of college. She can make some new friends, and explore. I never got that opportunity. It's sad. But I'm thankful that I improved relations with the friends that I did make. Hanging out with Jacob. Frequent trips to the dining hall with Tyler and the guys from 214 last year. I got lucky, but it's just a regret that I have.

I saw the girl who lives in the dorm next to me so much this week. Or at least the start of the week. Monday we left our respective dorms at basically the same time. Walked near each other for a good 10 minutes. I didn't say anything. I regret it. A lot. But I hope she walks the same path every MWF so I can see her again. See, I left later than usual that Monday. So I'll leave around that time again and hope to see her.

Besides her, there's a cute girl in my history class. She looks like a freshman. Really short, like 5'1. She doesn't seem receptive to talking at all, but I generally try and sit near her to see what'll happen.

A lot of good things came about this week. And a lot of not so good things. It makes life interesting, but I guess I'm an old man at heart and really like consistency. That time will come some day, but for now I'll revel in the spontaneity that college tends to bring. Have a good day!

Too much for one person to handle but I'm trying my absolute best as if saying that isn't cliche at all but hey

September 18th, 2014. Thursday. In the midst of my first set of midterms. A giant shitstorm of various problems has just left. Fortunately the problems weren't really about me, but due to some circumstances, I managed to get myself involved. And fortunately, things seem to be dying down, so that'll do me some good as I study for the next few exams coming up.

I guess I'll try to start with other things before the big stuff.

I've still been hanging out with Jacob, Tyler, and the guys from suite 214 and the girls from suite 807 from Hinton James. Glad that they've stuck around.

I've been going to the gym. Lost a couple of pounds so far. I'm looking better and better everyday and it's been nice.

Been going to Ukulele practice the past few weeks. I've really enjoyed it, Met some cool people and hopefully I can establish myself better in their group.

Went to Gamefest last weekend, where a bunch of video game tournaments occurred. Me and Jacob played a Pokemon Showdown tournament. I managed to make the finals of an 18 man tourney, but lost to someone who topped the ladder at some point in time and who is really really good.

Honestly I'm trying to meet some new people. I thought my roommate and Ex 2 would be cool to hang with but after everything that has happened I don't see that as a possibility anymore. I guess I can elaborate on that now.

The problems come from my roommate and the two girls he's been sleeping with. Ex 1 is the freshman girl, Ex 2 is the junior transfer girl. Last Tuesday, I was finishing up my 5 page paper. I was only on page 3 and pretty stumped at this point. I also had a pre-lab to write before my Analytical Chemistry lab. Roommate hasn't been in the room all day. It's been about two weeks since I caught Ex 1 and my roommate together. Ex 2 somehow finds my twitter account, and tells me to text her as she tweets me her number. I thought that it must've been important, so I texted her. She went into the room. She starts to cry. She tells me that she had sex with my roommate, but she thinks that he doesn't really want to be friends with her anymore. This whole situation is making her panic. She wants to steal a shirt she bought for my roommate, hence her reason for coming. Knowing her history with depression, and the fact that she has attempted to kill herself before, I know I have to get involved before anything drastic happens today. I tell her about the other girl. As I predicted, she had no idea. In fact, my roommate told Ex 2 today that he has been taking a nap in the room that day, when in fact he hadn't been in the room all day because I was there and didn't see him come back. He's been lying to Ex 2 several times. And to top it all off, Ex 2 has been self-harming herself recently. My roommate knew all of this, the depression and the cutting. And when Ex 2 wanted to seek help, MY ROOMMATE SAID SHE DIDN'T NEED HELP AND THAT SHE'LL BE FINE. Ex 2 needs help. I have seen that first hand. Whatever medicine she's taking for depression wasn't helping. She needed to seek professional help. And I told her this over and over. Then my roommate came back. I had to go to my lab, so I left them alone. I made sure to not leave her alone until he came back. I was scared she'd harm herself. I go to my lab then to the library to finish up my paper. Roommate texts me saying that Ex 2 is in the ER and she's seeking help. He tells me how he acted like a scumbag. Which is true. But I'm glad she went to get help. 

All of this along with all the shit that I had to worry about with classes was not good on my stress levels. 

Anyway, now the past 2 days, roommate has acted strangely. He hasn't gone to class in these past 2 days. As I type this, he's packing several clothes into a bag. Like more than a weekend's worth I think. He packs various articles of clothing from T-shirts, to button down shirts, to a suit. I'm really confused. I'm not going to ask him either, because we haven't spoken to each other since the incident and everything is super awkward. 

So I was right. Shit blew up. 

Besides all that, I got a C in my bio exam. I'm not happy about that at all, so I'm going to go ham on some studying for Chemistry so I can at least get a grade that I'll be happy about. 

I saw Lauren at the library. She looked busy, but I had to ask her something. She knows Ex 1, and I wanted to know if she knew anything about her and my roommate. She doesn't know anything, but I do notice something. I didn't feel anything talking to her. No excitement. No happiness. No sadness. It was like talking to any random stranger. And honestly, I like this feeling. I no longer feel longing when I see her or now when I talk to her. No longing to be friends, no longing to be together again. Just nothing. If fate brings us together as anything, then it will. But it doesn't seem like it for now. And I'm happy. Happy that I feel even more free.

Lastly, no progress on with the girl in the dorm next to me. I've seen her walking with friends, and that just complicate things for me. So we'll see about that. Hopefully I can talk to her, and if anything, bring new friends into my life. I love my friends now, but I also would like a breath of fresh air.

That was so much stuff man. I hope next update is filled with more positive results. But things are looking up, and I hope everything turns out okay for everybody. 

things are getting interesting + a decision has to be made

September 7th. Sunday. I'm getting a bite to eat soon, so I gotta make this quick.

Saw Lauren once. She was with a friend of my friends. A dude. I don't know if they like each other or if they're just friends. He doesn't seem like her type, but honestly it really doesn't bother me. Surprisingly.

No progress with the girl who lives in the dorm next to me from last blog. I saw her, but unfortunately I was mid conversation with a friend and was unable to talk to her.

Surprisingly as well, I'm not worn down by all my school work. This weekend I did some studying and caught myself up with everything.

Now let's get to the interesting stuff.

I also mentioned last blog about a cute girl that was friend's with my roommate. That is his ex-girlfriend. They dated a while back in high school. He also has another ex-girlfriend. This might get confusing, so Ex 1 will represent the ex-girlfriend from previous blog, who is a freshman. Ex 2 will be the other one. She's a year older than me and my roommate. She has a lot of problems going on with her life. By that I mean depression. She dated my roommate last year and they broke up semi-recently. Her and my roommate are also friends. She's very talkative. Whenever she's in the room she'll ramble to me about random things. I enjoy hearing them. Anyway I digress, I know for a fact that my roommate and Ex 2 spent the night together last weekend. They talked to me about it. To my knowledge the extent of their actions were cuddling, nothing more. I could be wrong. And if I am wrong, that just complicates things even more. But anyway. The next Monday, I walk back to my room. Not thinking anybody was in there, I begin to unlock it. Then I hear my roommate's voice, telling me to wait a second. So I wait. I wait for approximately 2 minutes. He then opens the door. I walk in and Ex 1 is in his bed. Locked door + a 2 minute interval of waiting. I know what that means. I keep this to myself. Ex 2 knows who Ex 1 is, but I don't think they know that my roommate is seeing both of them at the same time. This is further proven when Ex 2 talks to me about how she's scared that Ex 1 will take my roommate away from her and Ex 2 and my roommate won't be friends anymore. I don't tell Ex 2 that Ex 1 and my roommate are more than just seeing each other.

I guess I'm trying to figure out whether I should get involved and tell Ex 2. I'm laying low right now, but it's only a matter of time before things blow up.