Focus and a lot of maybe's

November 1st. Saturday. Been a pretty interesting week.

Halloween last night was great. I met up with some friends that I haven't talked to in a while and we just perused Franklin Street. There were some kickass costumes around. I was just an old man, put together last minute.

I didn't talk to third girl much this week. I wanted to see if she'd like to go with me to this party tonight, but don't think that's going to happen.

Saw Lauren yesterday after lunch. I was in a foul mood so I had to avoid her or I might have said something rude, or something like that.

The week in general has just been pretty awful. Mediocre test grades, general tired-ness, lack of progress with third girl. I've been asking myself a lot of "why" questions lately. Why aren't things working in my favor? Shit like that.

I still really like her, but I'm doubting myself. I'm doubting the notion of dating at this point in time. It just seems like her and her general group of friends aren't in the dating scene at the moment. Her and her friends went out on Thursday night. Maybe they just want to have fun and be free. Could I be wasting my time? Maybe I should be doing the same. Maybe by not caring I'll feel better mentally.

Someone once told me that with the path I'm going through with school, I'm going to have to make a lot of sacrifices. I've been out of focus. I need to get back in. I need to stop worrying about what other people think, whether third girl likes me or not, whether Lauren still affects me emotionally or not. I need to do better in school. I'm going to focus everything on that, and the other things will happen on their own accord, not mine.

I'm not letting everything bring me down. I've been pretty negative all week, and I'm tired of it. We all have our ups and downs, and I'm ready to ride the train up for the next while. I'll see all of you there.