October 9th, 2014. Thursday. I need a nap. I need to start studying. I have so much shit to do but I've been procrastinating my ass off. But this weekend we're playing catch up and hopefully I'll get stuff done.
Lauren doesn't matter. And I'm going to keep telling myself that over and over. Focus on the people that really do care for me. That's what I told myself over the summer. And I let myself forget that for awhile. It needs to be brought back. I have to forget her. I just have to.
I know people who can just surround themselves with so many other people/acquaintances/friends, lose count. and still be happy. I'm not that type of person. I like having few friends with deep bonds. That's why losing Lauren was so hard. I had a connection with her that I have never had with anybody else. I miss having a girl that I care about on that level. I'm happier with a girlfriend, and I yearn that relationship.
At the same time, I'm wary of letting someone back into my heart again. Heartbreak sucks. I wish I was better at dealing with it. I don't want to have to deal with that again. I understand, though, that I need to take risks sometimes.
I also need more confidence. It's something I've improved on lately, but I can do more. Not douchebaggy more. I'm just very shy when it comes to girls that I'm really attracted to.
Anyway, I don't really have any news. I'm still hanging out with the same people. Haven't seen Lauren. Haven't talked to the girls that I'm interested in. Oh but I can talk about the third girl that I mentioned in the previous blog.
The third girl (I'll just refer to her as "third girl") is hard to describe without revealing too much about her. But she's really cute and I've liked talking to her so far. We'll see how that goes.
But that's about it. I'm tired, and I have shit to do before I can justify taking a nap. Wish me luck, I'm definitely going to need it.
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